Learning to live
by candidata
Summary: This was it. Time to move on. Face facts. It wasn’t about her anymore. Grillows story/Lindsey


Every little part of me 1/12

**Learning to live 1/1**

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing. Song is Learning to Live by Beth Hart.

Rating: CSI2

Spoilers: The entire show/slightly AU

Author's Notes: For Jen! Your friendship, incredible writings and positive spirit and admirable look at life has been a true inspiration.

Summary: This was it. Time to move on. Face facts. It wasn't about her anymore.

**Chapter 1/1**

It was late. Very late. She took a deep breath as she felt her feet move slowly at first but then faster and faster. With each step she felt stress, pain and fear leave her body only to be replaced with enormous relief.

_Keep my head on straight_

_And my eyes wide open_

_I try to move forward_

_Wishing and hoping_

_I took a hold of myself_

_In the middle of November_

_Don't you look back now_

_Is all I can remember_

_I feel like I'm leaving_

_Like I'm leaving home_

_Like the clouds are parting, and I'm not alone_

She didn't realize it but tears were sliding down her tears. She was almost there, almost free.

_I'm learning to live_

_Living to learn_

_Starting to sing my song_

_Right, or wrong_

_Breaking away_

_Setting me free_

_Free to be, my own me_

_I'm learning to live_

She stopped for a second looking at his house. Her entire body was aching by now. The bag was hanging heavily from her shoulder and her arms were burning. But she was determined to make it all the way to freedom. She slowed down as she approached the front door. She could see light behind the curtains. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"Just a little longer now" she whispered as she stepped up the stairs.

The road here had been long and winding. Flashback after flashback made it impossible to move. She was overcome by the emotions running through her and shivered at the thought of what she had done to herself during the last many years.

_I got my vanity crisis_

_From my beautiful mother_

_I'm not gonna go there_

_I'm anything other_

_Take another deep breath now_

_It's just one more hurdle_

_I'm breaking this line_

_Before it comes full circle_

But this was it. Time to move on. Face facts. It wasn't about her anymore. She stepped up to the front door and knocked with a newfound strength.

_I feel like I'm leaving_

_Like I'm leaving home_

_Like the clouds are parting, and I'm not alone_

His eyes met hers in surprise. Seconds later she felt him lift the bundle in her arms into his as he ushered her inside.

_I'm learning to live_

_Living to learn_

_Starting to sing my song_

_Right, or wrong_

_Breaking away_

_Setting me free_

_Free to be, my own me_

_I found a place, where I can lay my shit down_

_Somewhere that I can finally be myself - be myself_

"Catherine" his voice sounded calm and collected but inside he was shaking.

"I had to get out of there. I made mistakes Gil, but I'm here because I know this isn't my life to ruin anymore. When Lindsey was born this morning I realized it's not about me anymore. It's about her and I am going to do everything in my power to protect her and make her life happy, do you understand me Gil, I had to get away I had to..." She couldn't keep going, tears had stolen her voice. He was by her side in an instant, having put the sleeping infant in the cot he had bought after visiting her at the hospital.

"Everything is going to be alright. I'm here for you"

_I'm learning to live_

_Living to learn_

_Starting to sing my song_

_Right, or wrong_

_Breaking away_

_Setting me free_

_Free to be, my own me_

"I know you are, and that is why I came here. I wanted Lindsey to celebrate her first birthday in freedom. Whatever happens hereafter I will be able to deal with. We just needed the first night in safety."

_I'm learning to live_

_(Living to learn)_

_(Starting to sing my song) living to learn_

_(Right, or wrong)_

_I'm breaking away_

_Setting me free_

_Free to be, my own me_

_I'm learning to live_

His heart broke knowing this was probably just for the night or until her excuse for a husband sobered up in the morning.

Gil had never wanted anything more in his entire life. He wished Lindsey was his and Catherine was his wife. But he'd take what he could get. And then wait until she was ready to leave for real. As he watched her sleep in his arms with Lindsey right next to them he vowed to wait forever – if that was what it took!


End file.
